Joy Blog

Guest Post by Amanda Wardle

I read this blog by Amanda that she wrote a few days after having her Human Design reading.  I thought it was a great example of what it’s like when you first start living your design.  Here she illustrates the tug of war that plays out between the body and the mind.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

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Flawed logic

Head. Versus heart.

But wait, not quite that. It’s really more… Head. Versus intuition based upon the culmination of feeling that can be extracted from a given person, place, or situation.

There. That’s better. Sort of. Maybe.

I’m inclined to act upon logic. One would think that this would have served me well. (Logically, it should, right? ) Well, interestingly, it hasn’t. Maybe this is because my logic is basically flawed. (I’m beginning to think that flawed logic is more prevalent than not.) Or maybe it’s because my logic has never been so well acquainted with my intuition. Sometimes the two conflict, after all. And logic tells me that it should win out. It tells me my intuition is false. Logic is funny that way, what with its sensical arguments and such. Hard to argue with a logical mind that knows itself. Problem is that that mind is only one piece. It isn’t the whole. And when it thinks it is, then there are problems. And my mind, well, yeah. My mind is a bit of an egotist in that regard.

I sat in a new house with a new friend last night considering a great kindness that this new friend has offered to me and to my daughter, involving free child care several days per week, and the option of taking my daughter out of daycare. I have been mulling it all over in my head for a little while now, but have been trying to push logic out of my consideration in this instance. Because logic would tell me that accepting this great kindness could be a risky move. Logic would tell me to be suspicious and wary and to watch my back. Logic would tell me that, when one has no parachute, one should probably resist jumping out of the plane.

But here’s the thing. The logic that offers these warnings in this particular instance has everything to do with my own fear. Come to think of it, my logic in general tends to be a pretty scared, bruised mother fucker. Maybe that’s the problem with my logic in the first place. Scared logic ain’t the same as sound logic. Sound logic might know when it’s best to turn itself off. Scared logic just keeps yelling louder.

Here’s the other thing. The scaredy-cat little logic shouting warnings at me in my head has absolutely nothing to do with the new friend in question–at least, nothing to do with my own personal experience with this person. I needed to feel out his environment in order to make this decision, and I did. And logic just can’t quite accept that the environment in which I considered this kindness gave me nothing but good feelings. It offered all the right reasons for accepting. It gave me calm. It gave me comfort. It felt familiar, and it offered me no reason to be on my guard. The anxiety was there before, and after, but not during. Nope. Not even a little bit.

I guess sometimes, even though it’s a bit trite, you do have to take a leap and just trust in something that feels right. The other thing, too, is that sometimes it’s hard not to question kindness…but you may need to accept it anyway. Especially we self-reliant bitches who think we need to do everything ourselves (but know full well that, in actuality, we can’t). Sometimes NOT accepting it, even if it’s a little scary and feels a little bit like the bottom could drop out from under you at any second, can mean missing out on a whole lot of benefits. Guess you don’t know until you try it out.

I gotta give some love to my mind and its logical abilities, and I think I need to go ahead and let it know that I’m not abandoning it altogether, but I think maybe it needs to take a back seat for a while. Let me learn to feel things out, and trust my body, and my gut. I think maybe my silly mind could use a little vacation anyway.

 

Tags: Human Design //